Aminet 3/Aminet 3 - July 1994.iso/Aminet/docs/misc/Fortunes.lha/fortunes

Text File | 1994-03-13 | 50.4 KB | 875 lines

b "Compatible":  Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
b "Machine-independent":  Does not run on any existing machine.
b "Portable":  Survives system reboot.
b 1 bull, 3 cows.
b A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
b A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
b After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
b Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
b Any program which runs right is obsolete.
b Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
b As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
b Asking whether machines can think is like asking whether submarines can swim.
b Avoid temporary variables and strange women.
b Brain fried -- core dumped.
b Death is a nonmaskable interrupt.
b Disc space -- the final frontier!
b Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
b Don't let the computer bugs bite!
b Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
b Help!  I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory!
b How was Thomas J. Watson buried?  9 edge down.
b I am a computer -- dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
b I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
b I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.
b If God had intended Man to program, we'd be born with serial I/O ports.
b If a program is useful, it must be changed.
b If a program is useless, it must be documented.
b If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
b If it was easy, the hardware people would take care of it.
b It's ten o'clock; do you know where your processes are?
b Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
b LISP:  To call a spade a thpade.
b Last one out, turn off the computer!
b Long computations which yield zero are probably all for naught.
b Manual Writer's Creed:  Garbage in, gospel out.
b Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.  --Steinbach
b Nice computers don't go down.
b No program done by a hacker will work unless he is on the system.
b No program done by an undergrad will work after she graduates.
b Old programmers never die; they just branch to a new address.
b On a clear disk, you can seek forever.
b One of the nice things about standards is that there are so many of them.
b One person's error is another person's data.
b Programmers do it bit by bit.
b Programming just with goto's is like swatting flies with a sledgehammer.
b Protect your software at all costs -- all else is meat.
b Random access is the optimum of the mass storages.
b Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
b Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
b Save energy:  Drive a smaller shell.
b The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.
b The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
b The program is absolutely right; therefore, the computer must be wrong.
b The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
b The world is coming to an end...  SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!
b There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go.
b This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
b This screen intentionally left blank.
b Those who can, do.  Those who cannot, teach.  Those who cannot teach, HACK!
b To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
b To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.
b What this country needs is a good five-cent microcomputer.
b Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?".
b You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
b You know it's going to be a bad day when you forget your new password.
b You may have mail.
c A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
c Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.  --Brook
c All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
c All the simple programs have been written, and all the good names taken.
c Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.
c Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF (or better yet, just avoid Fortran).
c Avoid unnecessary branches.
c Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
c Choose variable names that won't be confused.
c Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.  --Gilb
c Computers talk to each other worse than their designers do.
c Design a system any fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
c Don't comment or patch bad code; rewrite it.
c Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
c Don't diddle code to make it faster; find a better algorithm.
c Don't document the program; program the document.
c Don't stop at one bug.
c Every bug you find is the last one.
c Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug.
c In God we trust; all else we walk through.
c Know Thy User.
c Let the machine do the dirty work.
c Make input easy to proofread.
c Make it right before you make it faster.
c Make sure all variables are initialized before use.
c Make sure comments and code agree.
c Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.
c Never write software that anthropomorphizes the machine.
c Never write software that patronizes the user.
c Performance is easier to add than clarity.
c Remember:  10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
c Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a common function.
c The first version always gets thrown away.
c The less time planning, the more time programming.
c The wise person writes bomb-proof code.
c There are always at least two ways to program the same thing.
c There are never any bugs you haven't found yet.
c There can never be a computer language in which you can't write a bad program.
c There's no problem which, when programmed just right, isn't more complicated.
c Try not to let implementation details sneak into design documents.
c UNIX is many things to many people, but it's never been everything to anybody.
c Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.
c Use IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE... to implement multi-way branches.
c Use free-form input where possible.
c Watch out for off-by-one errors.
c You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
f A gift of flower will soon be made to you.
f A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
f A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
f Above all things, reverence yourself.
f Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
f Courage is your greatest present need.
f Do not overtax your powers.
f Don't despair; your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
f Everyone is enthusiastic about your work.
f Flee at once, all is discovered.
f His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
f Long life is in store for you.
f Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
f Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
f Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next to you.
f The time is right to make new friends.
f Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
f Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
f You are going to have a new love affair.
f You fill a much-needed gap.
f You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
f You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
f You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
f You have taken yourself too seriously.
f You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
f You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
f You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
f You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
f Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
h "All new":  Parts not interchangeable with previous model.
h "Define UNIVERSE; give two examples." "The perceived world; 1) mine, 2) yours."
h "Foolproof operation":  No provision for adjustment.
h "New":  Different color from previous model.
h "No maintenance":  Impossible to fix.
h "One size fits all":  Doesn't fit anyone.
h "Rugged":  Too heavy to lift.
h 28.35 grams of prevention are worth 0.45359 kilograms of cure.
h A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
h A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
h A day without orange juice is like a day without orange juice.
h A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Mom.
h A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually.
h A king's castle is his home.
h A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
h A man who fishes for marlin in ponds will put his money in Etruscan bonds.
h A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
h A man without a woman is like a fish without gills.
h A penny saved has not been spent.
h A soft drink turneth away company.
h A truly wise person never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
h A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
h Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
h About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
h About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
h Academy:  A modern school where football is taught.
h Actors will happen in the best-regulated families.
h Admiration:  Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
h Adult:  A person that has stopped growing at both ends but not in the middle.
h All in all it's just another brick in the wall...
h All probabilities are really 50%.  Either a thing will happen or it won't.
h All that glitters has a high refractive index.
h Ambiguity means telling the truth when you don't mean to.
h Amoebit:  Amoeba/rabbit cross; it can multiply and divide at the same time.
h Among economists, the real world is often a special case. --Horngren
h An example of hard water is ice.
h An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
h Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.
h Any smoothly functioning technology is indistinguishable from a "rigged" demo.
h Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
h As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
h Ask not for whom the bell tolls, and pay only station-to-station rates.
h Babies can't walk because their legs aren't long enough to reach the ground.
h Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
h Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
h Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
h Charity:  A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
h Chemicals:  Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
h Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
h Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
h Conservative:  One who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
h Consultant:  Someone who knowns 101 ways to make love, but can't get a date.
h Death:  To stop sinning suddenly.
h Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines on them and makes them perspire.
h Diplomacy:  The art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
h Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
h Don't get stuck in a closet; wear yourself out.
h Don't mind him; politicians always sound like that.
h Don't use no double negatives, not never.
h Don't worry; the brontosaurus is slow, stupid, and placid.
h Ducks?  What ducks??
h Earth Destroyed by Solar Flare -- Film at eleven.
h Education helps earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
h Enjoy life; you could have been a barnacle.
h Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
h Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.
h Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.
h Everything you know is wrong!
h Exercise extends your life ten years, but you spend 15 of them doing it.
h Federal Reserve:  A reserve where federal employees hunt wild game.
h Fidelity:  A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
h Flying is the second greatest experience known to man.  Landing is the first.
h Fossil flowers come from the Petrified Florist.
h Friends:  People who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
h Friends:  People who know you well, but like you anyway.
h Genius is the infinite capacity for picking brains.
h Give me a lever long enough, and a place to stand, and I'll break my lever.
h Government expands to fill the available revenue, and then some.
h Graft:  An illegal means of uniting trees to make money.
h Grasshoppotamus:  A creature that can leap to tremendous heights... once.
h Gravity is what you get when you eat too much and too fast.
h Having children will turn you into your parents.
h He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
h He who dies with the most toys, wins.
h He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
h He who invents adages to peruse takes along rowboat when going on cruise.
h He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
h Heat expands: in the summer the days are longer.
h Heisenberg may have been here.
h Hindsight is an exact science.
h How do they get all those little metal bits on a zipper to line up so well?
h How long is a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
h How many weeks are there in a light year?
h How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
h How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
h Humor is the best antidote to reality.
h I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
h I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
h I like work; it fascinates me.  I can sit and look at it for hours.
h I love my job; it's the work I can't stand.
h I will never lie to you.
h I'm a Hollywood writer, so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
h I've already told you more than I know.
h If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
h If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
h If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway.
h If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
h If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
h If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
h If one hundred people do a foolish thing, one will become injured.
h If the ship's not sinking, the rats must be the ones not leaving.
h If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
h If we knew what the hell we were doing, then it wouldn't be research.
h If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
h If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
h If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
h Ignore previous fortune.
h Imports are ports very far inland.
h In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
h In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
h Institute:  An archaic school where football is not taught.
h Interchangeable parts won't.
h Is it time for lunch yet?
h Is this really happening?
h It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations.
h It is better to be on the ground wishing you were flying, than vice versa.
h It seems to make an auto driver mad if she misses you.
h It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
h It was a brave man that ate the first oyster.
h It's better to burn out than to fade away.
h It's better to have loved and lost -- much better.
h It's better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
h It's better to wear out than to rust out.
h It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
h It's hell to work for a nervous boss, especially if you're why he's nervous!
h It's later than you think.
h Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it.
h Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
h Just when you get going, someone injects a dose of reality with a large needle.
h Keep the pointy end forward and the dirty side down.
h LSD soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess reality.
h Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
h Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
h Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
h Liberal:  Someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist.
h Life is a game of bridge -- and you've just been finessed.
h Life is difficult because it is non-linear.
h Life is like a fountain... I'll tell you how when I figure it out.
h Life is like a sewer... What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
h Life is like an analogy.
h Life without caffeine is stimulating enough.
h Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.
h Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
h Love does not make the world go around, just up and down a bit.
h Maintain thy airspeed, lest the ground rise up and smite thee.
h Male zebras have white stripes, but female zebras have black stripes.
h Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
h Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
h Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
h May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
h Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
h Modesty:  Being comfortable that others will discover your greatness.
h Momentum is what you give a person when they are going away.
h Mountain range:  A cooking stove used at high altitudes.
h Never give an inch!
h Never verb your nouns.
h No guts, no glory.
h No matter what goes wrong, there's always someone who knew it would.
h No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
h Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
h Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be.
h Now and then an innocent person is sent to the Legislature.
h Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
h Omniscience:  Talking only about things you know about.
h One Bell System -- it sometimes works.
h One thing leads to another, and usually does.
h Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
h Packrat's credo:  "I have no use for it, but I hate to see it go to waste."
h Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
h Paranoia:  A healthy understanding of the nature of the universe.
h People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
h Politics consists of deals and ideals.
h Professor:  One who talks in someone else's sleep.
h Proximity isn't everything, but it comes close.
h Puritan:  Someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun.
h Quack!
h Quark!  Quark!  Beware the quantum duck!
h Quinine is the bark of a tree; canine is the bark of a dog.
h Quit working and play for once!
h Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs.
h Science is material.  Religion is immaterial.
h Scotty, beam me up a double!
h Serendipity:  The process by which human knowledge is advanced.
h She walks as if balancing the family tree on her nose.
h Sign on bank:  "FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT."
h Spinster:  A bachelor's wife.
h Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
h Strategy is when you keep firing so the enemy doesn't know you're out of ammo.
h System-independent:  Works equally poorly on all systems.
h Telepathy:  Knowing what people think when really they don't think at all.
h That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all.
h The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
h The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
h The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
h The decision doesn't have to be logical; it was unanimous.
h The difference between a good haircut and a bad one is seven days.
h The early worm gets the late bird.
h The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
h The following statement is not true...
h The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
h The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
h The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
h The law of gravity was enacted by the British Parliament.
h The one who says it can't be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
h The only difference between your girlfriend and a barracuda is the nailpolish.
h The prairies are vast plains covered by treeless forests.
h The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made men think.
h The wind blows harder in the summer so the sun sets later.
h The zebra is chiefly used to illustrate the letter Z.
h There's a vas deferens between men and women.
h There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
h There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
h There's no time like the pleasant.
h There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
h Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
h This fortune is encrypted -- get your decoder rings ready!
h This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
h This fortune was brought to you by the people at Hewlett-Packard.
h This is a good time to punt work.
h Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.
h Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
h Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
h To err is human.  To blame someone else for your errors is even more human.
h To keep milk from turning sour you should keep it in the cow.
h Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official.
h Today is the last day of the past of your life.
h Tomorrow looks like a good day to sleep in.
h Too much is not enough.
h Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
h Truthful:  Dumb and illiterate.
h Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
h Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
h Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
h Two is not equal to three, even for large values of two.
h Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
h Volcano:  A mountain with hiccups.
h Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
h We interrupt this fortune for an important announcement...
h We'll have solar energy when the power companies develop a sunbeam meter.
h What happens when you cut back the jungle?  It recedes.
h What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
h When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
h When in doubt, lead trump.
h When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
h When working hard, be sure to get up and retch every so often.
h When you breathe you inspire.  When you do not breathe you expire.
h When you've seen one non-sequitar, the price of tea in China.
h When you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.
h Where is Denver?  Denver is just below the O in Colorado.
h Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
h Yo-yo:  Something occasionally up but normally down (see also "computer").
h You are young only once, but you have a lifetime to be immature.
h You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
h You can rent this profound space for only $5 a week.
h You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?
h You could be playing a video game instead.
h You have been selected for a secret mission.
h You now have Asian Flu.
h You will be surprised by a loud noise.
h You will feel hungry again in another hour.
h You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
h You will step on the night soil of many countries.
h You're not paranoid if they're really after you...
h Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
p A clash of doctrine is not a disaster; it is an opportunity.
p A closed mouth gathers no foot.
p A good memory does not equal pale ink.
p A hammer sometimes misses its mark; a bouquet, never.
p A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
p A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.
p A page of history is worth a volume of logic.
p A person forgives only when he is in the wrong.
p A person paints with his brains and not with his hands.
p A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
p A pound of salt will not sweeten a single cup of tea.
p A problem found by appraisal must be found and fixed each time it occurs.
p A problem found by solution is gone forever.
p A standard that no one follows is worse than useless; it is a waste of time.
p Ad astra per aspera.  (To the stars by aspiration.)
p Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit.  (Add little to little, get big pile.)
p All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
p All obstacles not foreseen will be tripped over.
p America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right person.
p An ounce of clear truth is worth a pound of obfuscation.
p Anger kills as surely as the other vices.
p Anger kills.
p Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.
p Any illusion requires both time and space to be experienced.
p As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote.
p Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if God won't have you, the devil must.
p Auribus teneo lupum.  (I hold a wolf by the ears.)
p Avoidable complexity should indeed be avoided.
p Before buying a piece of property, walk around its perimeter.
p Being right is seldom enough.  Even the best ideas must be packaged and sold.
p Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.  --Chinese proverb
p Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
p Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
p Beware the wrath of a patient person.
p By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
p Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce?
p Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished?  Yes, work never begun.
p Capitalism is the exploitation of one man by another; socialism is the reverse.
p Change your thoughts and you change your world.
p Children become ready for toilet training and independence at the same time.
p Consider all outcomes before taking a step, and spend your life on one leg.
p Constant reorganization is the hallmark of a dynamic organization.
p Courage is grace under pressure.
p Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you are doing.
p Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
p Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
p Death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down.
p Death is the one experience which we cannot put in perspective afterwards.
p Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
p Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
p Do not think by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
p Do, or do not; there is no try.
p Don't confuse things that need action with those that take care of themselves.
p Don't kid yourself.  Little is relevant, and nothing lasts forever.
p Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
p Don't teach your children what to think; just teach them to think. --Tannenbaum
p Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
p Even a cabbage may look at a king.
p Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
p Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
p Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
p Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
p Every erroneous inference involves admitting insufficient evidence as data.
p Every purchase has its price.
p Everybody ought to have a friend.
p Everyone stays busy keeping other people busy.
p Everything expands to fill the available space.
p Extraordinary people use their wisdom to avoid the need for their skill.
p Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
p Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
p Faith is that quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue.
p Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
p Fighting for peace is like making love for virginity.
p Find time to work smarter.
p Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.
p God may be subtle, but she isn't plain mean.
p Greatness is a transitory experience.  It is never consistent.
p Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
p Happy-go-lucky people can only be happy when they are lucky.
p Having no security is better than thinking you have security when you don't.
p He is considered a most graceful speaker who can say nothing in the most words.
p He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
p He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
p He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
p He who hates vices hates mankind.
p He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
p He who laughs, lasts.
p He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
p Honesty is better than lying.
p How you look depends on where you go.
p Humans are not rational beings; they are rationalizing beings.
p I don't make much sense because the rest of the world doesn't either.
p If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
p If the master dies and the disciple grieves, the lives of both have been wasted.
p If you are too busy to read, then you are too busy.
p If you ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
p If you can distinguish between good and bad advice, you don't need advice.
p If you can't tell the difference, there is no difference.
p If you can't write it right, you can't think it right.
p If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't go anywhere.
p If you haven't time to do it right now, how will you redo it right later?
p If you seem to know what you are doing, you'll be given more to do.
p If you suspect a person, don't employ him.
p If you're happy, you're successful.
p Ignorance:  When you don't know anything, and someone else finds out.
p Information that is hard to access is worth less than none at all.
p Integrity has no need for rules.
p It's a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
p It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
p It's amazing how much one person can do, little by little, over time.
p It's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
p It's difficult to be depressed while you're doing something.
p It's difficult to see the picture when you are inside the frame.
p It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
p It's easier to run down a hill than up one.
p It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
p It's the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
p Knowledge is better than ignorance.
p Lack of capability is usually disguised by lack of interest.
p Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
p Lend money to a bad debtor and she will hate you.
p Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
p Leveraging always beats prototyping.
p Liar:  One who tells an unpleasant truth.
p Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
p Life is not a dress rehersal.
p Life is the urge to ecstasy.
p Life need not be a zero-sum game.
p Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
p Live with grace.
p Loneliness is a terrible price to pay for independence.
p Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
p Making rules is easy, but living by them is virtually impossible.
p Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
p Many are called, few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.
p Many are called; few volunteer.
p Many are cold, but few are frozen.
p Many pages make a thick book.
p Many receive advice; few profit from it.
p May you live all the days of your life.
p Memory should be the starting point of the present.
p Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
p Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
p Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
p Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy love.
p Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.
p Never assume villany when mere incompetence suffices.
p Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
p Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.
p Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.
p Never offend with style when you can offend with substance.
p Never trust anyone who says money is no object.
p No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
p No one understands anything that isn't funny.
p No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
p No question is so difficult as that to which the answer is obvious.
p Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
p Non Illegitemus Carborundum.  (Don't let the bastards wear you down.)
p Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.
p Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
p Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
p Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
p One meets her destiny often on the road she takes to avoid it.
p One of these days is none of these days.
p One person tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
p People only notice squeaky wheels.
p Philosophy:  Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
p Pictures worth a thousand words take ten thousand times as long to draw.
p Possessions create pain.
p Power is poison.
p Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
p Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.
p Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
p Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
p Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
p Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.
p Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
p Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.
p Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
p Slang:  Language that doffs its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
p Some men are discovered; others are found out.
p Some of us learn from other peoples' errors.  The rest must be the other people.
p Sometimes it takes wisdom to stop beating your head against the wall.
p Success is a journey, not a destination.
p Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
p Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
p That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
p The answers to prayers are usually found in those who pray.
p The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
p The best prophet of the future is the past.
p The biggest mistake is not learning from all your other mistakes.
p The discerning person is always at a disadvantage.
p The door is the key.
p The effort required to correct your course increases exponentially with time.
p The end of labor is to gain leisure.
p The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
p The future isn't what it used to be.  (It never was.)
p The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.
p The human mind seeks to resolve internal conflict, even by false means.
p The important thing is not to stop questioning.
p The life which is unexamined is not worth living.
p The mosquito exists to keep the mighty humble.
p The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
p The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
p The only feeling warmer than friendship is that of an old love.
p The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
p The person who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
p The plural of spouse is spice.
p The price of greatness is responsibility.
p The root purpose of government is to enable public goods.
p The smallest of good deeds exceeds the greatest of good intentions.
p The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
p The speed of anything depends on the flow of everything.
p The speed of light is defined to be EXACTLY 299,792,458 meters per second.
p The three best ways to get where you want to go are:  persist, persist, persist.
p The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
p There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
p There are old pilots, and bold pilots, but there are no old bold pilots.
p There is safety in anonymity.
p There's no heavier burden than a great potential.
p There's no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
p There's no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
p Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
p Those who know, do not say; those who say, do not know.
p Those who talk don't know.  Those who don't talk, know.
p Time and tide wait for no man.
p To criticize the incompetent is easy; to criticize the competent is harder.
p To extend your limits, you must push them... and it often hurts.
p To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
p To teach is to learn.
p Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
p Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.
p Use it or lose it.
p Use the simplest solution which suffices.
p Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
p We all have style, but few have class.
p We are the people our parents warned us about.
p We do not remember days; we remember moments.
p What awful irony is this?  We are as gods, but know it not.
p What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
p What is the sound of one hand clapping?
p What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
p When cutting down trees, remember to pause now and then to sharpen your axe.
p When sex is good, it's only 2% of a marriage; but when it's bad, it's 98%.
p When the need arises, anything within reach becomes a hammer.
p When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
p Wisdom is rarely found on the best-seller list.
p With clothes the new are best; with friends the old are best.
p Words are the voice of the heart.
p Words must be weighed, not counted.
p You always find what you're looking for in the last place you look.
p You may not be responsible for falling down, but you are for getting back up.
p You only live once but, if you live right, once is enough.
p You're almost as happy as you think you are.
p Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
p Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.
p Youth is the trustee of posterity.
q ...context...  --Manny Farber
q A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper. --Dyer
q A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.  --Klipstein
q A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.  --Patton
q A hacker does for love what others would not do for money.  --Creighton
q A man must not swallow more beliefs than he can digest.  --Havelock Ellis
q A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.  --George Wald
q A system meant for common use should rarely need uncommon knowledge.  --Redford
q A waist is a terrible thing to mind.  --Ziggy
q Absolutum obsoletum.  (If it works, it's out of date.)  --Stafford Beer
q All great discoveries are made by mistake.  --Young
q All laws are simulations of reality.  --John C. Lilly
q All life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities. -Dawkins
q All the good ones are taken.  --Harris
q All we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.  --Hegel
q All you need to know is the user interface.  --J. Redford
q An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.  --Booker
q An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.  --Van Roy
q And that's the way it is...  --Walter Cronkite
q Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.  --Harris
q Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearance of magic. --Clarke
q Anyone can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.  --Cicero
q As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.  --Weisert
q Be sure your ladder of success is leaning against the right wall.  --Dobson
q Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats.  --O'Neill
q Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.  --Goethe
q Better clean death than dirty life.  --Frank Herbert
q Business will be either better or worse.  --Calvin Coolidge
q Chastity:  The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.  --Aldous Huxley
q Computers... are not designed, as we are, for ambiguity.  --Thomas
q Continental Life.  Why do you ask?
q Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
q Do not merely believe in miracles; rely on them.  --Finagle
q Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
q Don't Worry, Be Happy.  --Meher Baba
q Don't eat the yellow snow.
q Don't force it, get a larger hammer.  --Anthony
q Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.  --Spock
q Draw a circle around your love and hate will walk the line.  --Hugh Prather
q Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak...
q Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.  --Blaauw
q Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness. --Beckett
q Everybody has something to conceal.  --Humphrey Bogart
q Everyone is in the best seat.  --John Cage
q Everything changes but change itself.   --John F. Kennedy
q Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.  --Miller
q Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
q Experience:  Something you don't get until just after you need it.  --Olivier
q Fill what's empty; empty what's full; scratch where it itches. --Longworth
q Finagle's Law:  The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
q Find an aim in life before you run out of ammunition.  --Arnold Glasow
q Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  --Scotti
q For a good time, call 555-3100.
q For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.  --Harrison
q For every complex problem there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
q Go directly to jail.  Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
q God does not play dice with the universe.  --Albert Einstein
q God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.  --Alfred Jarry
q God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
q Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.  --Daniel Dennett
q Hate the sin and love the sinner.  --Mahatma Gandhi
q He who is still laughing hasn't yet heard the bad news.  --Bertolt Brecht
q He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.  --M. C. Escher
q Houston, Tranquillity Base here.  The Eagle has landed.  --Neil Armstrong
q How long should a man's legs be?  Long enough to reach the ground.  --Lincoln
q Humans are communications junkies.  We just can't get enough.  --Alan Kay
q I don't make the rules, Gil, I only play the game.  --Cash McCall
q I put up my thumb... and it blotted out the planet Earth.  --Neil Armstrong
q I suppose when it gets to that point, we shan't know how it does it.  --Turing
q I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
q I want to achieve immortality through not dying.  --Woody Allen
q I'm in Pittsburgh.  Why am I here?  --Harold Urey
q If it works, don't fix it.  --Sam Rayburn
q If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.  --John Sinclair
q If you cannot convince them, confuse them.  --Truman
q If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.  --Schmidt
q If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.  --Maslow
q If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.  --Wright
q If you've seen one redwood you've seen them all.  --Ronald Reagan
q Imagination is more important than knowledge.  --Einstein
q In success there's a tendency to keep on doing what you were doing.  --Alan Kay
q Innovation is hard to schedule.  --Dan Fylstra
q Intolerance is a state no tolerant man can tolerate.  --McGinley
q It is not honest to be tactful.  --Robert Taft
q It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca.
q It's all in your mind, you know...
q It's easier to apologize than to ask permission.  --Stewart
q It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.  --Washlesky
q Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
q Life begins at the centerfold and expands outward.  --Miss November, 1966
q Life is the childhood of our immortality.  --Goethe
q Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.  --J. Lennon
q Logic doesn't apply to the real world.  --Marvin Minsky
q Love truth, pardon error.  --Voltaire
q Man belongs wherever he wants to go.  --Wernher von Braun
q Man is the measure of all things.  --Protagoras
q Man's reach must exceed his grasp, for why else the heavens?
q May you live in interesting times.  --Chinese curse
q Measure with a micrometer; mark with chalk; cut with an axe.  --Ray
q Meeting:  Gathering where the minutes are kept and the hours lost.  --Gourd
q Minds are like parachutes; they only function when fully open. --Sir James Dewar
q Most people deserve each other.  --Shirley
q Neckties strangle clear thinking.  --Lin Yutang
q Never buy from a rich salesman.  --Goldenstern
q Never volunteer for anything.  --Lackland
q No man is good enough to govern another without that others' consent. --Lincoln
q No matter what we are talking about, we are talking about ourselves.  --Prather
q No one really knows the detailed workings of everything around them.  --Redford
q No one understands everything, and no one needs to.  --J. Redford
q Nobody can make you feel inferior without consent.  --Eleanor Roosevelt
q Nonsense.  Space is blue and birds fly through it.  --Heisenberg
q Nothing can be done in one trip.  --Snider
q Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.  --Weller
q Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
q One big pile is better than two little piles.  --Arlo Guthrie
q One more such victory, and we are lost.  --Pyrrus
q Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.  --Baba Ram Dass
q Pauca sed matura.  (Few but excellent.)  --Gauss
q People think love is an emotion.  Love is good sense.  --Ken Kesey
q People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten.  --Jon Bentley
q People will buy anything that's one to a customer.  --Lewis
q Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage.  --Ryan
q Real wealth can only increase.  --R. Buckminster Fuller
q Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.  --Hans Liepmann
q Remember them as they were and write them off.  --Ernest Hemingway
q Rotten wood cannot be carved.  --Confucius (Analects, Book 5, Ch. 9)
q Say no, then negotiate.  --Helga
q Space is to place as eternity is to time.  --Joseph Joubert
q Space tells matter how to move and matter tells space how to curve.  --Wheeler
q Spock:  We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
q Sturgeon's Law:  Ninety percent of everything is crud.
q Take what you can use and let the rest go by.  --Kesey
q Technology is no more of a problem now than it has always been.  --J. Redford
q That which is incapable of proof itself is not proof of anything else. -Shelley
q That's one small step for a man; one giant leap for mankind.  --Neil Armstrong
q The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
q The Universe is populated by stable things.  --Richard Dawkins
q The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.  --Blair
q The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.  --Ehrlich
q The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere.  --Anne Morrow Lindberg
q The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.
q The only food for thought is more thought.  --Peter Ustinov
q The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.  --Phaedrus
q The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.  --Bohr
q The optimum committee has no members.  --Norman Augustine
q The present time has one advantage over every other.  It is our own.  --Colton
q The race is not always to the swift... but that's the way to bet.  --Runyon
q The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.  -Lichtenburg
q The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.  --Peer
q The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.  --Stenderup
q The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.  --Hosea Ballou
q The universe is laughing behind your back.
q The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent.  --Sagan
q The unknown always passes for the marvelous.  --Tacitus
q There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.  --Baba Ram Dass
q There are no answers, only cross-references.  --Weiner
q There is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.  --Russell
q There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.  --Marie Antoinette
q There seems no plan because it is all plan.  --C. S. Lewis
q There's a whole WORLD in a mud puddle!  --Doug Clifford
q They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the Chivas!
q Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.  --Eisenhower
q Think globally; act locally.  --Rene Dubos
q Thinking is the talking of the soul with itself.  --Plato
q Those who learn nothing from history are doomed to repeat it.  --Santayana
q Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.  --Henry David Thoreau
q To communicate is the beginning of understanding.  --AT&T
q To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.  --Thomas Edison
q To love is wise; to hate is foolish.  --Bertrand Russell
q Too clever is dumb.  --Ogden Nash
q Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore!
q Truly simple systems ... require infinite testing.  --Norman Augustine
q Two wrongs are only the beginning.  --Kohn
q Values are caught, not taught.  --Dobson
q Virtue is its own punishment.  --Denniston
q We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.  --Whole Earth Catalog
q We are all worms.  But I do believe I am a glowworm.  --Winston Churchill
q We are anthill men upon an anthill world.  --Ray Bradbury
q We are what we pretend to be.  --Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
q We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.  --Yates
q We can't change, but we can expand.  --Nelson
q We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.  --Richard Nixon
q We don't know who discovered water, but we're certain it wasn't a fish.
q We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.  --Carl Sagan
q What a strange game.  The only winning move is not to play.  --WOPR, War Games
q What excuses stand in your way?  How can you eliminate them?  --Roger von Oech
q What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.  --John Lilly
q What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.  --Wittgenstein
q When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.  --Lynch
q When you don't talk, things get awfully quiet.  --Martha Hartly
q Where pain predominates, agony can be a valued teacher.  --Frank Herbert
q Why doesn't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone?  --Jimmy Durante
q Work expands to fill the time allotted to it.  --Parkinson
q You are a wish to be here wishing yourself.  --Philip Whalen
q You are the only authority on what is best for you.  --Hugh Prather
q You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.  --Tim Leary
q You can never do just one thing.  --Hardin
q You can't fall off the floor.  --Paul
q You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.  --Thoreau
q You never gain something but that you lose something.  --Thoreau
q You'll find it all at Greeley Mall.  --Radio advertisement
q Your check is in the mail.